I have found in the past that a period of uncertainty and unknowing has been accompanied by a a restlessness and general feeling of uneasiness which manifests, in my case, as itchy skin.. I am certainly experiencing a trying time. Whilst living here on Gozo is wonderful I am struggling to start a business and I am finding it hugely frustrating. There seems to be a block in the road whichever path I take. I am set up and ready to go with all the right permits and documents in place and it just isn't happening. There is a hurdle right at the end of each very long road. Maybe there is a karmic reason for this and I should just trust the process, whatever happens is for the greater good ! easier said than done. There are other changes going on too and it is difficult not to get caught up in the chaos. All the time trying to remember 'all great changes are preceded by chaos' !
As Deepak Chopra said 'What feels painful in the midst of change is a new opening beginning to take form; it is darkest just before dawn, just as it is a complete mess before it all works itself out. Trust life to do what it needs to do, and recognize how you’re growing along the way.'
Anyway as is usual in situations like this a koan presents itself to me. A random trailing on line I ended up listening to a PZI talk, and there was the koan I need to investigate.
Book of Equanimity
Attention! Master Dizang asked Fayan, “Where have you come from?”
“I pilgrimage aimlessly,” replied Fayan.
“What is the matter of your pilgrimage?” asked Dizang.
“I don't know'” replied Fayan.
“Not knowing is the most intimate,” remarked Dizang.
At that, Fayan experienced great enlightenment.
..... and there you have it !
In the meantime while I wait for everything to fall into place I carry on with what I do. At the moment I am making some wearable art in the form of upcycled clothing and accessories to sell at the Sunscape festival here on Gozo. Hope to see you there !